Returning to the scene

I returned to the scene of the beginning of the end recently. On a date none the less. I didn't pick it, he did. It was tough. It was hard to walk through the door; but it was even harder to sit directly across from the table where my life changed so dramatically. I was totally disconnected throughout dinner. I really tried to focus. However, that didn't work so well for me. I couldn't hear a word he was saying. The flashbacks playing in my head were too loud to tune out. It was like I was outside looking back in. I could see everyone sitting at the table. I could hear all of the voices and recall the entire conversation being had by everyone there. I could see the two of us getting up to say our final words outside the front door.
This was totally unfair to the guy I was on a date with. Not fair to him at all. Best case scenario is that he didn't even realize it, and I threw in enough, yeah, and uh-huh's and rights, to make it seem like I heard everything he said and was following along with the conversation. Worst case scenario, he knew there was something distracting me and would ask. Best case won. Dinner was done and I have never left a table, or establishment so quickly in my entire life. Sadly enough, the night was ruined. What should have been an awesome "date" was turned into a disaster simply by the choice of the place to eat.
We went out after, but the damage was already done. It was soon after that I left all together. Maybe we could try again, if my date was not too disturbed by my peculiar behavior. Maybe we would just go our separate ways and meet up some day when the pain goes away. Maybe the pain never leaves.
This, along with bad news from my best friend and an email that should have never been sent, but was only sent with the best of intentions, have put me right back into the "feeling" I need to put the emotion required into the next few chapters. Thus....chapters were born.